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zonewombatI just finished "The Blessings of a Skinned Knee" (and there's a subtitle about how it's using the wisdom of Judaism to raise your kids).
I liked it a lot. Very sensible. Of course, it helps that the author's outlook about how to raise kids is very much aligned with mine, but she was able to put reasons behind some of the things I've felt in my gut to be true (like allowing kids to be kids, not over-competing with their birthday parties, not allowing them to be a democratic equal in decision-making, listening to them and making time for them).
I've been thinking for years that I didn't want to have children, because I hated being around other parents and their kids, and I hated seeing how kids were being raised. I didn't want to get into the non-stop competition of who got an Xbox 360 for Christmas, and who got a moon bounce at their birthday, and whose parents are doing their homework for them. Ultimately, of course, I didn't let that dissuade me, figuring that I'd do parenting like I do everything else, and not walk the same path as the majority of my peers. This book provided some good foundations for my path, and some good techniques.
One thing that freaking terrified me, though, was reading about the amount of homework even elementary school students get - three or more hours a night!!! WTF? That made me reconsider home-schooling. I tell you what, I'm much more interested in spending time with Mallory, or letting him ride bikes, play games, or just hang out than I am in having him miss his entire childhood doing homework. We don't know yet how much aptitude he has for school and study, or what his IQ is, but high or low, crushing him under homework isn't going to help.
I've been thinking for years that I didn't want to have children, because I hated being around other parents and their kids, and I hated seeing how kids were being raised. I didn't want to get into the non-stop competition of who got an Xbox 360 for Christmas, and who got a moon bounce at their birthday, and whose parents are doing their homework for them. Ultimately, of course, I didn't let that dissuade me, figuring that I'd do parenting like I do everything else, and not walk the same path as the majority of my peers. This book provided some good foundations for my path, and some good techniques.
One thing that freaking terrified me, though, was reading about the amount of homework even elementary school students get - three or more hours a night!!! WTF? That made me reconsider home-schooling. I tell you what, I'm much more interested in spending time with Mallory, or letting him ride bikes, play games, or just hang out than I am in having him miss his entire childhood doing homework. We don't know yet how much aptitude he has for school and study, or what his IQ is, but high or low, crushing him under homework isn't going to help.
The main stepping-stone I ran into with the book was, of course, Judaism. If I had to choose a major world religion to be a member of, it would be Judaism. The things I like about Christianity and Islam also overlap with Judaism, and Judaism leaves out a bunch of things I don't like from the other two. Yes, it's sexist, but no religion is without its warts.
But I don't have to choose, and voluntary commitment to a religion is unthinkable for me, so I'm left trying to figure out what to do about spirituality and religion in our family life, and in Mallory's development. Just at base, I think you need an understanding of what religion is in order to be educated, and in order to understand a large part of what makes human civilization tick. As an American, I think it's pretty crucial to know the main Bible stories and the tenets of Christianity so you can understand your cultural semiotics (never mind that while Mal's American, he hasn't actually set foot in the US yet).
The spiritual side of things is leagues more difficult. I think it's hugely important, but my spirituality can't co-exist with any organized spirituality/religion. Yet, how does one learn spirituality, character, good from bad, enjoyment and awe at the mysteries of existence, without being part of a community? There's a large and visceral difference between being able to quote the Bible, recite the story of Noah, explain the canonical divisions between Catholicism and Protestantism, argue for or against Jesus' divinity, and the personal experience of the spiritual (the second soul in Judaism). I'd like for Mallory to have both...but if he only has one, I'd rather he have the personal experience. I'd rather he develop an internal moral compass and an appreciation of the universe than rotely attend church (or whatever) and rotely recite The Lord's Prayer (or whatever).
But unless we create our own religion, a lot of the touchpoints mentioned in the book as important and helpful for raising children won't be there. We don't celebrate the Shabbat. We don't say grace. We don't have any other weekly observances. We don't have any yearly observances, except for a small and sort of commercial Christmas, and a huge and well-loved Halloween.
Maybe we create our own rituals? We've certainly talked about doing so. Dunno. It's a poser.
But I don't have to choose, and voluntary commitment to a religion is unthinkable for me, so I'm left trying to figure out what to do about spirituality and religion in our family life, and in Mallory's development. Just at base, I think you need an understanding of what religion is in order to be educated, and in order to understand a large part of what makes human civilization tick. As an American, I think it's pretty crucial to know the main Bible stories and the tenets of Christianity so you can understand your cultural semiotics (never mind that while Mal's American, he hasn't actually set foot in the US yet).
The spiritual side of things is leagues more difficult. I think it's hugely important, but my spirituality can't co-exist with any organized spirituality/religion. Yet, how does one learn spirituality, character, good from bad, enjoyment and awe at the mysteries of existence, without being part of a community? There's a large and visceral difference between being able to quote the Bible, recite the story of Noah, explain the canonical divisions between Catholicism and Protestantism, argue for or against Jesus' divinity, and the personal experience of the spiritual (the second soul in Judaism). I'd like for Mallory to have both...but if he only has one, I'd rather he have the personal experience. I'd rather he develop an internal moral compass and an appreciation of the universe than rotely attend church (or whatever) and rotely recite The Lord's Prayer (or whatever).
But unless we create our own religion, a lot of the touchpoints mentioned in the book as important and helpful for raising children won't be there. We don't celebrate the Shabbat. We don't say grace. We don't have any other weekly observances. We don't have any yearly observances, except for a small and sort of commercial Christmas, and a huge and well-loved Halloween.
Maybe we create our own rituals? We've certainly talked about doing so. Dunno. It's a poser.
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Date: 2006-04-16 09:26 am (UTC)